At 28 I decided that I was not happy, I no longer wanted to live that way and I needed to change. I didn’t know what I needed to do or how things would change, all I knew is that I had to find a way. Everyone else around was getting married, having kids and I was leaving relationship after relationship. All I wanted was to be happy. I was already practicing yoga weekly, something about it made me feel good. One day I saw a flyer about a lifestyle/teacher training that appealed to me. It said something along the lines, “Find your passion” “Discover True Happiness”… I debated about joining, I had to make a decision quick, I even received pushback from my partner at the time (I left that dude), but ultimately something was pulling me and I decided to do it. That decision changed my life for ever, for the better.

I never intended on teaching yoga and I went into that training still not intending to teach. I was excited though and something about it lit a fire within me. For the first time I was given a space to explore myself with a group of people who all wanted to do the same thing. It opened the door for me to see what yoga truly was and was ultimately the pathway that led me back home to myself.

At that time, no one talked about spirituality the way I needed. I craved something real, something I could experience and depth that did not exist outside of a yoga studio. In yoga, we practiced moving and breathing, I learned how to sit within myself, how to feel heavy emotion that no one taught me how to feel, I felt my pain which led me to my own liberation, I experienced freedom from thought and ultimately became the driver of my own experience.

Before yoga I would describe myself as avoidant, anxious and disconnected. I used alcohol as a way to feel comfortable around other people. I often put myself last, a pleaser, full of fear, often ruminated in thought, had low self confidence and lots of self doubt.

Yoga gave me the space and freedom to explore myself, understand who I was and ultimately learn to feel safe, comfortable and happy within my own body. I learned how to not take things so personally, how to not have expectations, how to find balance, about our attachment to stories, how to feel comfortable in the unknown, to let go of the ego, to soften, to receive and give love unconditionally, how to show up, lean into myself, listen to myself… the list goes on and on. I have been through many dark times and yoga was what gave me the confidence to face some of my deepest fears and grow through them.

The media does not do a great job explaining or showing what yoga really is. We way too often see yoga along with images of pretty skinny girls bending and twisting in different poses. The amount of times I still hear yoga being related to stretching makes me giggle and also tells me we still have some work to do on how we present yoga. I blame marketing and even yoga studios who sell the yoga poses along with pushing and pulling people in different directions. The most profound yoga classes I have ever experienced have been shutting off my phone and sitting or walking in silence. This is yoga. The space right before a thought arrives. It is endless and all-encompassing, it has no words, it just is. Yoga means to unite Mind, Body, and Soul, the practice of yoga is to move one towards oneness.

Yoga is not a religion. It will never ask you to believe in anything rather is a way to experience your life. However, yoga can complement your current belief system and even bring you closer to it. There are many people who practice all different types of religion who also practice yoga. It is the foundation of spirituality. It is not a quick fix. It takes discipline and repetition in a gentle and honest way to have a lasting effect. It is an actual practice rather reading and theorizing and I can assure you it helps. Have patience and give yourself grace. Let the feelings flow. Allow yourself to be seen. I have shown up many times and cried on my mat. Never once did I ever regret it.

Fast forward 14+ years later and yoga is still serving me. At a time when everything was going great in my life I experienced great tragedy with the very unexpected loss of my brother by suicide. I developed PTSD and is something I am still working through a year and a half later. During this time yoga has yet again come to my rescue. When I need to feel supported, held and quite frankly need help, I myself go to yoga. I have experienced great release in Yoga Therapy and Gentle classes, something I could not do on my own.

Yoga has helped me heal. My relationship to it is always changing and evolving. I love a great sweaty vinyasa class, but as I age, experience more loss and take on more responsibility, I myself need more support and gravitate towards certain teachers and gentle styles of yoga.

More so now then ever yoga has led me towards community. Something you can not get online. What a beautiful thing how we come together to co-create something so meaningful is truly magic. xoxo